its raining and dark.

what does a 17 hour sleep and 9 hour lucid followed by 12 hour sleep makes you.

i always feel sleepy when im stressed. ohh you do the maths
turned out it didnt change anything. trying to sleep on it just give you excuse to prolonged the uncomfy jiwa kacau state. it dint give you idea to settle it nor how to let it go however it did gives you nightmare or in my case ‘siangmare’.

stop looking everywhere for the answer moh.it will not be there! nobody can say the exact words to comfort you cause only you know the exact words. only your heart knows the right ingredient to make your world go round again.

running away might be the option. facing it makes you stronger. mistakes are our teachers.

happiness is subjective. do not define it from other people point of view. define it from you own thought. the pace for perfection is different for everybody. strive for the best things but make room for imperfection. hope for the sunshine but remember it does rain sometimes.people can hold your hands along the way but it is your foot that step on the ground.

stop waiting for the good things to come. it is already there. youre just too ungrateful to realise it.
if 9 out of 10 things make you sad why cant you smile for the 1 thing that makes you happy.
and im pretty sure there must be more than 1 thing that actually make you happy.

p/s : just a thought to ponder, “freedom of expression and respecting others go hand in hand”. hands up

selfconfession.

i’m a paranoid.

i try not to be but i am one.

this is just to prove that im admitting im paranoid.

gosh, this is hard!

love you b.

i think we’re grown ups enough to understand and realise that life is not perfect and full with ups and downs moment. we know how to deal with happiness without offending not so happy people and we brace ourself with all the sadness and misfortune. but how i do i tell a 15 year old boy how to get through the dissappointment and the journey in life  is still a long way to go. and one piece of paper has no right to tell you who are going to be in 5 years to come. where youre gonna stand in 10 years time. i have no idea. i cant speak cause im afraid ill worsen the situation. cause seeing that person hurts once again is unbearable.

so just stand up. keep holding on. bring all your energy and fight. fight for yourself. ignore evryone else. miracles happen. aim for the the best and dont ever satisfied being 2nd best. no one should tell you what u r capable of. cause you can do more than that. and when you’re afraid dont you ever feel lonely cause im here.we’re here to catch you when u fall. to push u further up. so dont give up cause we’re not ready to give up on you yet.not ever

luvs, kakak

the unsettled bussiness

its the game

life is a challenge.true

and u have to fight for every breath u take.true

and you have to strive to survive.true

and you cant stop no matter what happen.true

every single thing that arises can be settled.KIV

sometimes i wish to get off this fast bullet train and watch it leaves cause i cant seem to find a way to make this heavy feeling goes away.its heavy and tangled all around and  i dont know how to untie it which leaves me with no choice but to go on and carry it along with me.which ends up with me carrying this heavy feeling.am i having split personality disorder? am i paranoid? am i nuts? am i crazy?

things move so fast and i cant seem to catch up.am i capable to catch up? yes. but do i want to. i dont think so

i dont have enuff strength to move on.its enuff for me jus to keep holding on.but to fight and struggle i dont think so.i am surviving cukup2 makan.can u see ur surrounding?i cant.cause this train moves so fast i barely see whats outside there.what i know is i am suffocating in this fully aircond container.im still breathing cause im surviving but im not strong enuff to fight and feel the environment.i cant blend in.im cant absorb the energy inside this train.im an outsider.im not ready to get into this.yet

and i hope yet will come.oh sun come and rise above me.the moon is beautiful but its dark.and wind, blow me into the sunlight so i can feel the breeze running thru my body and lift me up so i can run again.sing along with the parrot and dance along with the butterfly.sleep like a baby.and live as happy as you.