ohh yes dull time gives us moment to explore and reflect upon ourselves.
Looking back at where I was 8 years ago, the only thing I miss was moment spent with my friend during band, during English drama, during teater rumah, during film show, ohh and so many many many more. No one was really alim at that time, jogging pakai cap, amek share kat dining hall main grab tudung sapesape, pegi surau free hair, short sleeves..
Don’t really give a thought about tazkirah or usrah every week. Don’t really care when they said after you left high school you’ll be on your own and responsible on every action you take. Of course I remember the attempt made to escape usrah adelah. I thought that was who we are and we will always be like that. .
I didn’t think of this until I read fansu’s blog. We were dormates, we were classmates, we fought, we shared things, and we stood on the same ground until we separated after spm. She took her own path studying abroad and I thought she’ll stay her, the same fansu.
Well she’s not fansu anymore, she’s alim now, she speaks word of wisdom, reminding us of who we are di bumi ni. And I said to myself ” god gile alim fansu, what the hell happened to her, what makes her change” in a tone as if it’s a bad thing. Well this morning I realised it is me who stays the same without any attempt to improve myself [akidah wise – nope I don’t recall anything]. It is the same old me who tried to escape usrah during first year and went on 2nd year without any reminder and guidance. It is me who’s been sombong hidung tinggi thinking that I can live life without His barakah.
I choose this path. Being ignorant, lazy, arrogant, no wonder I always lost. Dream without realization. Practising without knowing. Doing without understanding. I have chosen the wrong path. I have forgotten my destination. I didn’t aware who have I become. The road to kebaikan is just next to me. What makes hati berat menerima dan kaki berat melangkah?
temoh take time to think, paksa diri okay, cuba.
This is not a monthly module where test awaits and every end. It takes your whole life to learn and practise jadi bersabarlah.