million little pieces

to help me remember things I don't wanna forget.

Happiness.

Bismillah.

In life, I’ve a line that separates between things I can or I can’t do. Specifically, things I would waste¬† spend my time on or wouldn’t.

It’s a vague line, but so far I’ve only minimal problem sorting them out.

If there’s a shot a happiness, even a glimpse of it, I would go all the way, all in to pursue it.

Because success makes me happy, peace makes me happy, good friends that makes me laugh makes me happy, love makes me happy.

God has blessed me with all happy things though sometimes He tests me as a reminder to not forget him.

So yeah, pursuing happiness is my thing, even if I failed. But I wouldn’t go down without trying.

 

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Nami Island

 

My first holiday trip overseas, with great travel buddy, Abir. Met new people, made new, awesome cool friends, listened to their life stories. Ate good food, spicy mostly, enjoyed good coffees, and it was cold, freaking cold.

One conversation.

Dear heart, please stop fluttering.

Maybe that one conversation wasn’t chemistry. Maybe it was just biology, attraction between a girl and a boy.

But when you uttered that question, I felt something deep in my heart.

I’ll play my part, you play your part, and we let time decides.

Morning reflection.

Action and words speak louder than out mind. Even though you meant well, but if bad words or actions are conveyed, it’s still gonna hurt the receiving party.

Sarcasm has a limit.

Happy ending to this chapter.

Looking back at 6 months ago, I couldn’t imagine what I would be feeling today. Because it was so painful, I don’t dare to try and imagine today’s event. But 6 months ago, I wasn’t the same person I am now.

To feel like being at the bottom of your life, there’s nowhere to go except up. But I could also dig deeper and stay in a dark, horrible place. I’m just really really glad I didn’t choose to stay put.

I can’t really point to one thing that pushed me forward. Cause many factors contributed to that. I thank God for making me try to hold on, and my parents who I can’t imagine to break their hearts once again, and my dear friends who have faith in me more that I trust myself.

I guess in this 6 months, I recognize some sort of strength that I never knew existed. And thanks to these people, who encourage that strength and be the reason for me to succeed.

I might fail again and again in my life. Well that’s the circle of life. But when that time comes, I really hope that I remember today; the day that I thought was very hard to get to, the moment when I doubt myself more that ever, is pure nonsense. Today’s a prove that if you pull yourself together and hope and try to make things better, it will eventually be better.

And to this group of people that I grew up with for 6 month, we really helped each other up. I could imagine myself crumbling without your support and perseverance. We literally sat through thick and thin together. We literally laughed and cried our heart out together. We were vulnerable and strong together and for each other. And for that, I’m thankful that you guys are around.

Allah won’t give you more that you can bear. He might let you bend you, but He won’t let you break

And above all, I’m glad that I’m blessed with love all around me. I can comfortably say that.

Tears don’t mean you’re losing. Everybody’s bruising.

Bismillah

Setiap saat yang kosong rasa macam ribut taufan dalam hati. Semoga lebih kuat, amin.

Take home message.

From our class this evening.

“He wants you to be closer to Him.”

Indeed.

It’s been 6 months.

6 freaking months.

Yet, here I am, eyes welled up, choked, fingers cold, and the heart just won’t stop beating fast.

I’m there again. Where emotion clouds judgement. When doubts get the best of me.

Part of me feels, this is my time, this time I’m gonna prove that I deserve to be here, that I deserve to graduate. And I did my part for it. I’ve done my task, I did my job. I gave it all.

But there’s another part of me that is scared as hell. Scared beyond what I can describe.

Mak said, orang lagi takut nak mati, nak jumpa Tuhan, nak jawab soalan dalam kubur, itu lagi takut.

Well that did change my perspective toward whats coming this Monday, for a while. Then I freak out again.

It has to come from inside. No one can put strength into your heart. You just have to find your way to it. LA said, ‘If you’re given a second chance in life for something, you’ve got to go all the way”

So, let’s just put up a brave face, and a good fight this coming Monday, shall we.

Letting go

Bismillah.
Today’s the day I let my bestfriend go. Today’s the day she becomes someone’s responsibility. And I’m so glad they found love through way that is beautiful and halal. I’m happy she found her Mr. Right

But deep inside, somehow, I feel sadness, I feel like something’s taken from me. I need more time

Following SPM, we parted ways to pursue our dream. I always remember her as someone I look up to, and she inspires me to be a better person. She’s the example of a good person and a good friend. A good listener and a good mentor. Qualities I seldom experience from others.

Being in different continent doesn’t make things easier, but I keep hoping, soon we’ll become best buddies again. But God knows best what He plans for us. There’s hikmah in the union of both of you.

I keep losing people I care about. People say when you get married you won’t change, but we all know the truth. Things will not be the same anymore. You have one big responsibility you have to care about, and that changes everything.

God knows how happy I am on this wedding day, but I can’t deny this sadness. Well this is the consequences of aging. Time moves so fast, and I wish sometimes it would slow down for a while so we could appreciate each other.

I wish you happiness and life full of joy. You will always be my bestfriend, no matter how many friends you’ve made along the way.