million little pieces

to help me remember things I don't wanna forget.

Month: October, 2012

Happy ending to this chapter.

Looking back at 6 months ago, I couldn’t imagine what I would be feeling today. Because it was so painful, I don’t dare to try and imagine today’s event. But 6 months ago, I wasn’t the same person I am now.

To feel like being at the bottom of your life, there’s nowhere to go except up. But I could also dig deeper and stay in a dark, horrible place. I’m just really really glad I didn’t choose to stay put.

I can’t really point to one thing that pushed me forward. Cause many factors contributed to that. I thank God for making me try to hold on, and my parents who I can’t imagine to break their hearts once again, and my dear friends who have faith in me more that I trust myself.

I guess in this 6 months, I recognize some sort of strength that I never knew existed. And thanks to these people, who encourage that strength and be the reason for me to succeed.

I might fail again and again in my life. Well that’s the circle of life. But when that time comes, I really hope that I remember today; the day that I thought was very hard to get to, the moment when I doubt myself more that ever, is pure nonsense. Today’s a prove that if you pull yourself together and hope and try to make things better, it will eventually be better.

And to this group of people that I grew up with for 6 month, we really helped each other up. I could imagine myself crumbling without your support and perseverance. We literally sat through thick and thin together. We literally laughed and cried our heart out together. We were vulnerable and strong together and for each other. And for that, I’m thankful that you guys are around.

Allah won’t give you more that you can bear. He might let you bend you, but He won’t let you break

And above all, I’m glad that I’m blessed with love all around me. I can comfortably say that.

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Tears don’t mean you’re losing. Everybody’s bruising.

Bismillah

Setiap saat yang kosong rasa macam ribut taufan dalam hati. Semoga lebih kuat, amin.

Take home message.

From our class this evening.

“He wants you to be closer to Him.”

Indeed.

It’s been 6 months.

6 freaking months.

Yet, here I am, eyes welled up, choked, fingers cold, and the heart just won’t stop beating fast.

I’m there again. Where emotion clouds judgement. When doubts get the best of me.

Part of me feels, this is my time, this time I’m gonna prove that I deserve to be here, that I deserve to graduate. And I did my part for it. I’ve done my task, I did my job. I gave it all.

But there’s another part of me that is scared as hell. Scared beyond what I can describe.

Mak said, orang lagi takut nak mati, nak jumpa Tuhan, nak jawab soalan dalam kubur, itu lagi takut.

Well that did change my perspective toward whats coming this Monday, for a while. Then I freak out again.

It has to come from inside. No one can put strength into your heart. You just have to find your way to it. LA said, ‘If you’re given a second chance in life for something, you’ve got to go all the way”

So, let’s just put up a brave face, and a good fight this coming Monday, shall we.